♥ 冤枉&遗憾 ♥

我的妈啊...母校竟然发生这么大的一件事...又不能说丢脸...又不能说光荣...真的拿这些学生和老师没办法...前阵子就有听说'宿舍事件'...就不怎么想知道咯...反正都与我无关...可是昨天学校上课最后一天...学生们竟然抗议...把今年的最后一天都搞砸了...听说闹得颁奖典礼都取消了...是董事部冤枉了老师? 还是老师犯下了不可弥补的错误? 举头三寸有神明... 总有一天会真相大白的...

不要留下任何遗憾...否则会带着它过一辈子...

-pauline-

♥ Random ♥

I've been rotting at home for one week. How many weeks more? I don't really feel like working although my mum had been nagging me. Simply because I'm lazy. Simply because I want to stay at home with her. There goes my LONG SEMESTER BREAK.

Something had been disturbing since last month, I guessed. It appeared out of nowhere and disappeared out of a sudden. I just couldn't find any reasonable excuses to explain. And why should I explain? Sometimes, maybe I myself think too much. Past? Present? Future? Even those that surely never happen in my life. Will I be more ordinary if I'm not oversensitive? Will I be different if I think more positively? Who knows what will happen tomorrow? The day after tomorrow? No, we wouldn't know what might happen and what might not happen. Life is just mysterious I would say.

Sometimes, I'm hoping to return to the days where I wouldn't think too much. Sometimes, I really hope to make up for any deficiencies, but could I? Am I given a chance to do that? No, whatever had been done is done, unless I have the power to go back to the previous event. But no way to do that. I don't have time to regret, not to say that I don't have time, is that time isn't allow me to regret for every single thing that I had done. So miserable. Self-pride, important for everyone of us. Before wanting others to respect you, please respect yourself and others at the same time. But why is this world still full of selfish humans? Is it simply because of the fighting among humans? Maybe, Survival of the Fittest! Those who fall behind might vanish, those who is in front of the groups get all the advantages, left with disadvantages. Is the world really merciless? Who can give me an answer with a reasonable explanation? I bet nobody can give me one.

Am I thinking too far, again? Yet, if I'm not thinking, what my brain used for? A psychology major student should be good at explaining? Or more than explaining? Maybe analyzing? Maybe debating? Almost all my psychology major course mates are good at it but what about me? I'm always ready to receive help, not brainstorming. I should brainstorm more often to train myself. But isn't it not good if I brainstorm everything thoroughly? MAYBE...

In a nut shell, I don't know why I wrote all these bullshits. But enjoy writing very much. Good nitez everyone out there.

-pauline-

♥ Officially finished my final semester in INTI ♥

How happy to say that I had officially finished my final semester in INTI. Fast? Not really, I had been studying in this place for 2 years. Within these two years, happy, unhappy, worth it, not worth it, are not important anymore. Let bygones be bygones. We couldn't get back anymore. I am really happy that I do not need to see him again and again. Damn fucking irritating face in AUP. Finally, relieved.

Had my only paper just now and I didn't do it well. Got careless mistakes for few questions. I am sad! But couldn't change the fact that I didn't pay enough attention la. It's ok for me I guessed. Quite tired these few days, mentally and physically. Don't know why.

I cannot open my mouth (not totally cannot, not that wide only). Doctor advised me to take more rest and don't stressed myself up. It's not good for the jaw. Well, I have to follow, no more choices available.

Happen to see someone mentioned me in his status update. I am quite happy but at the meantime, don't know what to do and what to say. If this is the end-product, then just let it be. We couldn't force each other, I wouldn't want you to suffer. Talk to you about this after 2 years (2013) if I still remember.

I am having 2 months semester break then will leave to US at early January if there's no incident happen. Hope it will be a success la huh.

-pauline-

♥ At least let me feel proud of myself ♥

I got accepted by University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire. Wow.. Out of a sudden i should say. Felt so happy but still, there's something to be worried. I will try my best, no matter how hard it could be, at least, I will let you feel proud having a daughter.

说好听一点是坚持

说难听一点是固执

其实已经想放弃了

左手持重重的学业

右手持重重的爱情

虽然还算得上平衡

可是心里却不平衡

双脚踩在无情的大地

已注定你我无法相遇

就像两条平行线无法相交

At least, let me feel proud of myself too. I want to be a strong girl, a tough girl, 一语惊醒梦中人,you are the one who made me realized that I am actually important---VsionG. 曾经想过,爱情学业两者兼顾,两者都占优势,就不会是个问题.可是现在呢,问题可大力.I thought I can, but apparently I couldn't. I know it is not possible to happen on me, so I just have to stick with the original plan which is study hard, aim higher, achieve it. Other than that, if he's yours, he would be yours. 强求得到的幸福,并不永恒.珍贵的是你我的友谊. So, I am accepting it slowly, slow pace. If you treasure, it would be great. If you are not, I wouldn't force you to.

从今天起,你不再是我生活的一部分!

-pauline-

♥ Last day of College ♥

I couldn't deny that yesterday was the last day of college and I felt nothing. It was too common for me, perhaps. I drove to college as usual, found a parking nearby Block A as usual, got down from the car and to the class, as usual. Nothing seemed to be so special that caught my attention. I knew that yesterday was the last day of college, therefore, I stopped wai ling from going back home early (she actually wanted to stay back to do revision la) to go lunch with me. Out of a sudden, YenLoo called and told her that they were having lunch at AC. Before that, I had to finish up my project. I didn't do my conclusion part because I don't know what to write. After referring to Qisti's work, I started the conclusion part and finished it within half an hour. It cost me like RM9.70 to do color printing. Wth... In my heart I was thinking, how if mum didn't give me money today? Then I wouldn't have enough money to pay for that. I wouldn't carry much money for the last day.

Well, everything just went smoothly. Met up with Fangkai, YannHuoy, YenLoo and TongYang for lunch. We were busy talking all the way (I didn't talk to them la.. ANTISOCIAL as usual). I only talked to FangKai, April and Lavenne. After a while, Qisti and Zjen Thak joined us for lunch as well. Used to be la. Nothing so big deal.

I was not in good mood yesterday. I hid in my room for the whole day. I knew the reason. After talking to Jason through facebook status, I knew that both of us were suffering somehow in a same situation. Love but couldn't express. I should keep quiet, aren't I? In order to keep this secret, I should have just hide in the corner. I didn't know it would be so hard to survive, to keep the secret.

Should I or Shouldn't I? I need someone to talk to. When I scrolled down my contact list, only I realized that there's no one i can talk to. How sad it was. Only then I realized I am actually an Antisocial girl. Final is at the corner, next Thursday 8am to 10am. See, I am not worrying too much.. Just chillax okay? Good luck to those who are having exam early of next week la...GOD Bless

-pauline-